Ask these 3 questions to see if you are Over-Explaining
By Simona Vivi H
Over-explaining can take a lot of emotional labor.
We all have an explainer part, the question is how often are we intentional about it? One way of honoring the explainer part is to name it. (Assuming you are in the company of a trusted friend; I wouldn't necessarily recommend this for every situation!)
Here's how that could sound
"my explainer wants you to know that..."
By naming it, we can be more deliberate about when, why, and how we lean on it. Our explainer can be an effective communication tool in the right situations. But what are those "right situations"? And when does it shift into over-explaining?
To answer that, my dear friend and colleague Mindy Q and I came up with three questions to ask.
Is it intentional?
Is it in service to clear communication?
Is it emotional labor for the other person?
The habit of over-explaining often has an origin story. For some folks, it's a modeled style of communicating. For others, it may have started as an adaptation to our environments. By bringing our patterns (in this example, over-explaining vs strategic explaining) to our conscious awareness, we have the opportunity to re-wire with intention.
Simona Vivi Hadjigeorgalis is the founder of reMothering.org, a collaborative space where industry leaders create remothering resources for independent-learning. Simona also has a private coaching practice at The Center for Remothering.