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Ask these 3 questions to see if you are Over-Explaining

By Simona Vivi H

Over-explaining can take a lot of emotional labor.  

Explainer 

We all have an explainer part, the question is how often are we intentional about it?  One way of honoring the explainer part is to name it.  (Assuming you are in the company of a trusted friend; I wouldn't necessarily recommend this for every situation!)

 

Here's how that could sound

"my explainer wants you to know that..."

By naming it, we can be more deliberate about when, why, and how we lean on it.  Our explainer can be an effective communication tool in the right situations.  But what are those "right situations"?  And when does it shift into over-explaining?

 

To answer that, my dear friend and colleague Mindy Q and I came up with three questions to ask.

  1. Is it intentional?
  2. Is it in service to clear communication?
  3. Is it emotional labor for the other person?

Over-explaining

The habit of over-explaining often has an origin story.  For some folks, it's a modeled style of communicating.  For others, it may have started as an adaptation to our environments.  By bringing our patterns (in this example, over-explaining vs strategic explaining) to our conscious awareness, we have the opportunity to re-wire with intention.

 

For more about re-wiring with intention, check out What is Remothering?

Article written by:

Simona Vivi H

Simona Vivi Hadjigeorgalis is the founder of reMothering.org, a collaborative space where industry leaders create remothering resources for independent-learning.  Simona also has a private coaching practice at The Center for Remothering.   

 

For more from Simona, check out her FREE mini-course:  Liberate Your Inner Dialogue, 4 seemingly simple yet amazingly effective techniques to quiet stormy mental chatter at CenterForRemothering.com/liberate-mental-chatter

Check out more from the blog here...

Remothering Roadmap 

Part of our "How do I remother myself?" series, this article lays out the remothering roadmap.  Check out the step-by-step process here...

READ MORE

The Neurobiology of "Of-Course-ness"

Ever wonder why there are certain times that you just can't seem to logic your way forward?  This article has your answer.

 

You'll definitely want to have this tool in your remothering toolkit.

READ MORE

What Is Remothering? 

Let's start with what it's not.  Remothering is not a report card on the parenting we did or did not receive.  It's a form of self-care; a right of passage that we are called to when... 

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